My mental hospital experience Im a person not a problem to be solved

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I was once a patient in a psychiatric ward....this is my story of treatment in hospital. • People are people not problems to be solved. There is no one too lost that they can't be found. • Website: https://rachaelstevens.com.au • Blog: http://rachaelstevens.com.au/blog • Facebook: / skeletondiaries • Instagram: / rachstevens88 • Poem: • I was once a psychiatric patient • And I naively believe hospitals were for • Broken arms not broken minds • See I had an invisible illness • One I couldn’t disguise • I became so sick from believing all my own lies • Honestly there was a part of me that really wanted to die • They said they would give me treatment • Treatment for my mind • Because I became blind to reality • Living a world of distorted lies • But they treated me not as a person • But as a problem to be solved. • I was Studied, Scrutinised, Surveilled • Wrapped in a hospital gown • Medical professionals encircled my bed • “Anorexic” “A bitch”. “A liar” they said: • “She’ll never recover….” • “Taking up a bed someone else deserves instead.” • • Labelled, Monitored, Controlled • I was a person not a problem you know • • Stripped of my original identity • I was…. • Medicalised, Medicated, Alone. • Watched through thick glass • Trapped in a misunderstood and lonely war • Supported, Spurred on • To adopt, to accept • The sick role, • Recovery rarely emphasised as a goal. • Futureless, a lost cause • “We can’t trust you anymore” • • I was a... • Psych patient, an impersonal number on a sheet • Lost in a system which was difficult to defeat • Labelled as crazy • Voice strangled, no one to hear me • I couldn’t go home • Lost in a system, identity rewritten • Undressed, wires placed across my chest • Sanity undergoing a range of dehumanising tests • Completely alone, • Attempting to navigate the unknown. • • I was... • Unsolvable, forgotten • A stark question mark placed • At the end of my chart • My future cursed • Rewritten by medical authorities predicting the worst • “You will never study or work” • Bearers of bad news • This isn’t something I decided to choose • I’m a person not a problem you know • • Patients were governed by the hospital’s status quo • “You are sick...unwell…” • “Your mind is playing tricks” • “You can’t trust yourself…” • “You can’t be fixed” • • I remember there was a young girl…. • Who was refused treatment • Because the cuts on her arm • Were self-inflicted • You did it to yourself, they said. • “You don’t deserve our help…go back to bed” • • Afflicted, restricted • To the the hospital’s status quo • She was a person, not a problem you know…. • • “Don’t tell anyone you were here….they don’t need to know” • “You’ll forget about all of this when you go home….” • Eventually discharged • I sat silently on the psych ward steps • “Forget what you have seen here….forget… • Move on….. • • But watching those, like me • Who posed a threat to themselves • Patients wrapped in hospital gowns • Patients composed only of bones…. • I couldn’t forget those who were suicidal, lost, controlled • Treated not as people, but as problems to be solved. • Looking back • Sometimes I wonder... • If it healthy to forget? • To suppress? To act like it never happened • To never say a word of what it was like in that ward…. • To ignore the pain, pretend • Blend back into life • To never speak about it again • And act as if it didn’t change who I am….. • • Treated like a problem that couldn’t be solved... • Shame clung so close • As if I could never be absolved…. • • Yet I choose to remember, • To speak plainly, openly • Because there are still people who are treated like problems • Like a threat to normality, to sanity • “Stay away, she’s crazy you know” • “Obsessed with not being fat” • “Anorexic, a bitch, a liar…” • “Taking up a bed somebody else deserves instead…” • • While many professionals • Sat coldly across from me in chairs • Stared, ticked checklists and declared • I was sick, in a wheelchair, impaired • Not everyone who examined my head • Fed the idea that I was beyond repair • • To those rare professionals who truly cared • Who dared see me as a person not a problem…. • Your words cut through my despair • They shot high into the air • Like a lone flare • Your kindness • Illuminated the darkness of my nightmare • • I was…. • A patient in a psych ward • And I can say that…. • People with a mental illness are not a problem to be fixed. • I was just a little lost and needed to be found • Internally shipwrecked • There was a time my mind ran aground. • But no one is too lost that they can’t be found. • People are people • Not an impersonal number in a system • While some may forget…. • People aren’t problems • There is no one is too lost that they can’t be found. • I'm a person, not a problem to be solved

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