How to Show Up

YOUR LINK HERE:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZD_-dyM4lo8

Mary Margaret and I have been sitting on the park bench in downtown Sofia, Bulgaria, for three hours. • • Long enough for the banitsa papers and sunflower seed husks to accumulate around our feet, blown by the Balkan breeze. • • Even as the sun goes down, it's pleasant weather, a beautiful late spring evening. • • The children playing on the decrepit metal playground equipment have all gone home. • • The old men playing chess at the cement tables have picked up their pieces and left their cigarette butts. • • I’ve been waiting to pee, but the time for a bathroom is imminent. • • Which means a visit to the disco tech cafe across the street. • • There, I will squat over a stinking hole in the ground and try not to urinate on my jeans. • • Mary Margaret will be alone while I'm gone, not the safest, so I'll hurry. • • On the way back, I grab two foil-wrapped SNAKY croissants that were probably baked a year or two ago, judging from their staleness. • • We sit and eat, feeding crumbs to the pigeons who are still milling about. • • I don't think she's coming, MM says, picking out the chocolate filling and eating it, even though chocolate gives her a headache. • • Once, I had come across her, standing amid a stream of hundreds of people in the Sofia train station. • • She was standing perfectly still, eyes closed, slowly eating a Twix bar. I had watched her for some minutes, taking in her pleasure. • • Part of me wished it was me she was savoring. • • She'll be here.” I replied. “We have to wait. • • ‘She' is Sisi, our Peace Corps colleague. • • We are all volunteers teaching English. • • Bulgaria has been free of communist rule for three years. • • We are there to bring them into the twentieth century by teaching teenagers Green Day lyrics. • • In the days before cell phones or reliable telecommunications of any sort, we've developed a code: as young, 20-something women: • • We wait for each other once we make a meeting. • • Not only wait, but if you say you are coming, you are coming. • • Because people are waiting for you. • • You can't change your mind. • • Things happen. • • Trains are late or canceled. • • Buses don't show up. • • So, occasionally, our code doesn't work. • • But for the most part, it keeps us all alive. • • It's dark now, and a woman alone in the Sofia streets is prey. • • Even two of us together aren't safe, but it's harder to kidnap two screaming, kicking bodies. • • None of us will emerge from the experience without tales of horror. • • But hopefully, tonight, Sisi will get here, and we can all go out dancing. • • She's taking a train six hours to the capital city from the small town of Stara Zagora, where she's posted. • • Suddenly, Sisi appears. • • Oh my god, I can't believe you are still here! • • We are all hugging and laughing, and the fear I've been feeling disappears. • • I'm so sorry!” she says. “The train I was supposed to take never came, and I had to wait for the local train, and it took forever! Thank you so much for waiting! • • Sisi is crying. • • She is a survivor of a violent crime that happened in the US, one of the reasons she left. • • Knowing her history, it felt extra essential to wait for her tonight. • • I'm buying the first round! she announces. • • If you understand this context, you'll likely know why I struggled when years later I moved to San Francisco and was submersed in Bay Area Flakiness (BAF). • • If you have yet to experience BAF, let me educate you. • • Living in the Bay and making friends is extremely difficult. • • Everyone is so busy. • • Everyone is scheduled out for three weeks. • • People cancel all the time. • • People wait until the last minute to decide what they will do that night to ensure they can do the very best thing. • • Which might not be your birthday party. • • There is so much going on all the time. • • People are f*****g flakey, and it's baked into the culture. • • Perhaps this is also true in other big cities; I can't speak to it. • • I hate to admit it, but I grew tired of being earnest and consistent after a while. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. • • Flakiness became my new black. • • I tried it on. It felt gross but also strangely freeing. • • Not trying to shame you, Bay Area, but when getting ready to flake, consider: • • Will this event ever happen again? • • Who will be impacted if I flake? In what ways? • • What negative consequences might I face if I don't show up? • • Do I want to support this thing in the world? • • Why do I think it won't matter if I don't attend? • • How do I feel about flakey people? • • However, I am originally of the Midwest. • • Salt of the Earth. • • Hot dish, food trains. • • Potlucks are places to shine, not drop off the baby carrots and hummus you picked up at Trader Joe's on the way over. • • I value showing up. • • My system relaxes when someone I care about is committed to showing up. • • Remember the post when I talked about F**k it as Fake Freedom? (https://open.substack.com/pub/pavinim....

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